Cosmo's Nightmare
by Hilary Starsky
Summary: [ONESHOT]Cosmo's day is very stressing...Wanda slips up her diet,and Phillip isn't pleased with her polishing...after a particularly hard day,finally,Cosmo goes to bed and...the troubles start!Sorry for any mistake.


**_Hi there!!! As I promised, finally, here's COSMO'S NIGHTMARE!!! A "humoristic" FanFiction!!  
I'm sorry for any bad grammar mistake etc etc and about AntiWanda's way to talk: it's the first time that I try to write her incomprehensible language XD I "tested" it on one of my friend's sister, and she said it was comprehensible... but if it's not, tell me XD  
Special thanks to Lilia for her help XD I promised to put her credits here, and a special "HI!" to Ana, who I hope is reading this while I'm sleeping. Well, enjoy!!  
-Hilary-_**

**COSMO'S NIGHTMARE**

End of another heavy day. Cosmo went to bed worn-out, trying to not fall on the floor because of the sleep, his wings were in shreds and couldn't keep him on air anymore.  
It had been a day really full of misadventures, wishes and duties: Wanda was slipping her diet up again, Timmy wished for a Crimson Chin life-size wax statue , Phillip wasn't pleased with her polishing; and after all these stressing duties a relaxing walk with Wanda through the Fairy World Gardens. Actually, it would have been better if they wouldn't have walked by an ice-cream stall, so Wanda wouldn't have started to be capricious for a bit of chocolate and whipped cream, and it would have been even better if Juandissimo wouldn't have appeared from nowhere trying once more to get Wanda, so he wouldn't have exhausted his magical energy by fighting for her.  
Back to home: Timmy was crying because Vicky had melted the wax statue down, and since Wanda was particularly sharp those day (because of "woman problems" as she told him) she left him on it. After fixing the statue the green-haired fairy followed her into the castle and caught her eating a Lindt chocolate bar.  
Even if Wanda was the mind and seemed to be the head of everything, Cosmo had some things to check on too: she had to make sure that Timmy and especially him would behave themselves and wouldn't get in trouble; he simply had to fix HER troubles, and above all he had to check on her diet, besides making Timmy happy, polishing Phillip, cultivating his little corn greenhouse on Pluto and feeding his red three-headed hydra, Snowball.  
And finally he finished to teach Phillip how to dance the Cucaracha: she was absolutely hopeless at moving her hips, and she also claimed that she was right!  
Exhausted, his hips hurting, he waved his wand and poofed on his pyjamas. His tired wings gave up and the fairy fell heavily on the bed, his eyes were closed, without taking the trouble to look what time it was or to kiss his wonderful asleep wife.  
Ah… finally a bit of peace…  
He stretched his arms to feel where Wanda was and to caress her, but there wasn't anyone next to him, just perfectly made sheets. He opened his eyes and looked at his left, finding out that Wanda wasn't there.  
- Wanda? – he whispered turning towards her empty side. Then he heard a strange sinister noise outside the room, someone was getting someone else trying to not make too noise, it seemed to be a kidnapping.  
- Phillip? – he said with shrill voice, holding his legs terrorized. He turned again to the left: Phillip was there. He took her and hugged her whispering to her:  
- Phillip, there's someone out there! And Wanda disappeared! No, it's not her – he said answering to the nickel's question. – How do I know? I'm sure! Shh shut up now, let's listen!  
The fairy and the nickel fell silent listening: a known voice was heard, that sharp tone of voice and that British accent were unmistakable…  
- What did you say Phillip? – Cosmo asked. – It sounds like AntiCosmo? – then he listened harder: there was someone with him, a female fairy, who was laughing with a loud and idiotic voice. The AntiWanda! – Cosmo whispered: they were kidnapping Wanda!  
Phillip had an idea. Cosmo was proud of it, even though he was scared of it too.  
- You're right Phillip, we have to follow them! – he said shivering. – Quick, there's no time to lose!  
He took his wand and poofed away.

Half a hour later he reached the two counterparts' house, in the AntiFairy World. He rang the bell and hugged Phillip tightly.  
- Hello? – AntiCosmo's icy and British voice resounded. Cosmo plucked up courage, he tried to be as resolute as possible, he couldn't be afraid of himself…  
- Please don't hurt me!!! – he cried whimpering. Phillip was disappointed. AntiCosmo from the other side of the interphone instantly recognized who it was.  
- Cosmo, you dunder-head, what are you doing here?  
- I… I lost Wanda!!! – Cosmo cried. – I need help!  
Poor AntiCosmo sighed and opened the gate.  
Cosmo entered the garden holding Phillip, his eyes still filled with tears and his lips quivering. He arrived at the main door which opened by itself sinisterly; he looked around still hesitating, then he went into the house.  
It looked empty and it was enormous and forbidding, full of black photos framed by silver frames. Cosmo and Phillip came forward.  
- Please come here Cosmo, we're in our bedroom! – AntiCosmo called him. His dimwit counterpart hugged his nickel tighter and flew as far as that room: AntiCosmo and AntiWanda were in front of their wardrobe perfectly dressed, with their hands behind their backs.  
- So, Cosmo – AntiCosmo said with a strange expression of false-innocence. – What makes you come here at this night time?  
- Someone kidnapped Wanda! – Cosmo said moaning. – Phillip said that maybe you know where she is!  
AntiCosmo gave a raised eyebrow to the nickel; instead AntiWanda flew close to it with a stupid happy look.  
- Hey, Pheelleep! Hae! Haw 'r yoo? – she said playing with her like she was a sort of pet. AntiCosmo didn't think about that stupid scene and said:  
- Sorry Cosmo, but we don't know where your Wanda is!  
- Yup! – AntiWanda added flying back next to her husband. – Whee dunno aneethang, shee wood be sawmwhear sail'nt and mosshnless, but nat in aww waah'drobe!  
Just after she said it some hard hits came from inside the wardrobe. AntiCosmo waved his wand quickly and a zipper closed on his wife's mouth; then he placed again in front of the wardrobe smiling embarrassed. Cosmo looked at them, then he bended his head in order to look at the starting wardrobe; then he sighed.  
- Ok, thank you for your help. I hope to find her soon and without any other trouble. – he said disappointed. – Well, sorry to have disturbed you… and good night.  
And he left the room with his nickel. As his wings disappeared behind the wall AntiCosmo sighed with relief and AntiWanda's mouth poofed back to normal.  
- Fiuu… it was within a hair's breadth! – AntiCosmo said . – You almost ruined our plan, you idiot! – he yelled angrily to his wife. She smiled stupidly, her buckteeth shined to the moonlight.  
- Wehl, wee sp'hared heem a beeg shawk, ashually! – she said happily. Then she opened the wardrobe.  
- No!!! – AntiCosmo yelled springing up. He succeeded to close the wardrobe before whatever was inside could get off. – We have to wait for the signal!  
AntiWanda laughed stupidly, her laugh was just like Wanda's, but full of stupidity.  
- Yup, yaw'ight! Yoo allwayz naw wattwo doo, pood'n'! – and then she clutched at his left arm. AntiCosmo tried to shake her off in vain.  
- Yes, yes I'm always right and I always know what to do, I know, but now get off my arm!  
It was 11:30 PM. Half a hour had passed since they left home, and now the Clock in the Central Square had a hand on the eleven and the other one on the six. Cosmo and Phillip arrived into the half-empty square and sat on a step in front of "Mondo Wando". Cosmo sighed, he was beaten and worn-out.  
- And now where's my Wanda? We still have two worlds to comb and we'll never find her before my ten thousand thirteenth birthday, that's to say not before thirteen years! – he cried; then his eyes shined: - Hey, wait a minute… I just did a calculation! – he cried happily. – And it's all thanks to you, Phillip, and to your maths lessons!!! – he hugged her cheerfully. – You're the best girl-nickel of the world!  
- Cosmo?!  
Cosmo turned, still clutched to the nickel: Wanda was there. She was watching them, her mouth was full of something and her hands were hiding behind her back.  
- Wanda! – the fairy cried happily. But Wanda swallowed whatever she was eating and cleaned away from her mouth some…  
- Chocolate? – Cosmo asked with an adviser look. – You're not slipping up your diet again, aren't you?  
- No! – she said guiltily, while a cast-off chocolate bar fell down to the floor from behind her back. Cosmo looked at the bar, then returned to talk to Wanda smiling.  
- So well done, you're resisting it! What are you doing here?  
- I could ask you the same thing! – she said frowning and pointing Phillip. – Are you dating with _her _under the moonlight?  
- What?! – Cosmo cried amazed. – No, we were searching for you! Phillip thought that AntiCosmo and AntiWanda kidnapped you!  
- Well, she's been wrong! – Wanda replied offended. – She said it in order to stay alone with you for a while, and you idiot fell for it!  
- No, I didn't! – Cosmo defended. – I love you!  
- Now stay alone with _her_, you always loved her more than me!!! It's all over!  
And after have taken the chocolate from the ground she turned and flew away. Cosmo's lips started to quiver, then he poofed back home.

- Timmy!!!  
Timmy was playing with the PlayStation since hours. When Cosmo called him he snarled and destroyed the last alien's head going to the next level.  
- Timmy! Wanda broke apart with me!  
Meanwhile the level was loading Timmy looked at Cosmo with the same face that he usually reserved to an alien destined to the doom. The fairy was scared of it.  
- Why?  
- Phillip! – Cosmo said pointing the nickel. – She said AntiCosmo and AntiWanda kidnapped Wanda, but she was wrong, so we went to the square and Wanda was there _not_ eating chocolate, she saw us together and got jealous! And broke apart with me!  
But Timmy had already started to play again, his eyes were red and there were fangs in his mouth. He was pushing greedily the buttons while Crash Nebula was doing fabulous combos on the screen killing the blue, red and green aliens.  
- Timmy? – Cosmo called, his eyes full of tears. But Timmy wasn't listening to him anymore, caught up by the game. Suddenly Crash Nebula got hurt by some alien lasers and fell down of his intergalactic skateboard. Timmy screamed.  
- NOOO!!! IT'S NOT FAIR! TAKE THIS!!!!! – he threw a shoe to the TV. – Cosmo, I wish Crash Nebula was here  
- But Timmy, now I'm very…  
- DO IT!!!!! – the boy screamed jumping on him, being foaming at the mouth with a killer glance. Cosmo jumped and he waved his wand shivering: Crash Nebula appeared in the middle of the room, but there was something fishy with him…  
- Why is he all wrinkled? – Timmy asked. Cosmo raised his wand, still shivering:  
- M-maybe I sh-shivered too m-much, s-s-sorry, T-Timmy!  
But Timmy didn't seem too willing to forgive him. He snarled then yelled to him:  
- Cosmo you're an idiot! A bumbling! And I wish you weren't my Fairy GodParent anymore!  
Cosmo stopped shivering, hit by those words, and became sad: then he waved his wand and disappeared forever from his ex-godson home.  
Cosmo appeared again in the FairyWorld, near the FairyChapel. There were a thousand people outside of it and a very long red carpet spread between them. The fairy mingled in the murmuring crowd to see what was going on and he caught some shreds of their conversations:  
- They're marrying!  
- I don't know them…  
- Yes, they're a violet fairy and a pink fairy…  
- He's so sexy and brawny, while she is a little fat…  
- She's eating some chocolate, they're going to come out in any moment!  
Cosmo had not the slightest idea about who they could be, until the festive bells started ringing and the two bridegrooms came out giving rise to many festive cheers. The green-haired fairy made his way between the fairies to the first row in order to see better; ten his pupils became smaller, he rubbed his eyes and blinked twice: it was just them, Juandissimo and his Wanda, who were saluting everyone happily in their bridal dresses, while Wanda was also eating some chocolate.  
- Wanda! – he cried falling at her feet covered with her bridal dress. Wanda looked at him chewing the chocolate:  
- It's you again?!?! Back off of me!  
- Why did you do it? I thought you loved me!  
- You betrayed me with Phillip! – she said, her eyes sending flames. – And Juan asked me, and he's sexy, and smart… - she added looking dreamily at him. – And he lets me stuff myself with chocolate! – and she took an enormous scrap from the chocolate she was holding. Cosmo held her legs tighter.  
- But what about your diet?!  
- Who cares about diet? Es Linda, de todas formas! – Juandissimo meddled in unpleasantly, jerking Wanda out of Cosmo's arms. – I win the contest, now she's mine, and you're just a loser!  
He waved his wand and poofed a poster on Cosmo's neck which said "LOSER". Everybody laughed at him, embarrassing him, as Timmy came out of the crowd.  
- And Juandissimo will be my new Fairy GodFather with Wanda! – he said happily jumping in their arms. – And you… – he added pointing Cosmo angrily. – Nobody wants you anymore! You're going away!  
- But… - Cosmo said desperately, but he couldn't finish to say anything because he had been held by something. Phillip fell on the ground and rolled some centimetres far away from him, while he found himself bound in ropes poofed by no less than…  
- AntiCosmo, AntiWanda!  
- Yes, it's just us! – they said grinning evilly. – We've been charged with eliminating you, now that nobody wants you anymore!  
- It's not true! – Cosmo cried. – Someone still wants me! Right Phillip??  
- NOTHING AT ALL!!! – a hysteric voice never heard before yelled: Phillip shined and disappeared. Instead of her there was now an angry, silvered and messed up girl fairy, full of fingerprints. Cosmo stared at her dumbfounded.  
- Phillip?!  
- My name's not Phillip jerk!! – she said sharply, floating angrily up and down in the air even though her wings were all wrinkled. – I always told you that my name is Philippine! You ignorant!  
- S-sorry, Ph-Philippine… - Cosmo said astonished.  
- Plus, look at me! – Philippine continued yelling. – I'm all greasy and buckled! I told you to polish me!  
- But I've already polished you three times! – Cosmo replied. But his mouth became a zipper and closed preventing him from speaking.  
- So why am I still dirty? – she answered indignant. – I tell you why: because you're an incapable! And an ignorant! I don't want to see you anymore!  
And she flew away, in the middle of the sneering crowd, with Timmy, Wanda and Juandissimo. AntiCosmo and AntiWanda antipoofed his mouth back to normal.  
- Nobody wants you anymore, you're an incapable, you see? – they sneered at him evilly.  
- Saw naaw whee've two thraw yoo 'waay!  
AntiWanda started laughing stupidly. Cosmo got more nervous as AntiCosmo flew in front of him grinning evilly.  
- Do you remember our wardrobe?  
Cosmo gulped and didn't answer.  
- Weren't you curious about what was inside of it? – he continued. Cosmo's eyes became wider as AntiCosmo pointed at her wife who yelled stupidly:  
- Breeng da Shupar-Taiwlet!  
The SuperToilet… his worst nightmare! Cosmo froze and turned pale: the enormous and imposing toilet fell slowly from the sky, welcomed by the crowd's enthusiasm, and reached the ground making it shake and spilling some water. AntiCosmo and AntiWanda antipoofed over the Toilet holding Cosmo by the ropes and dangling him threatening over the opening. The water started to whirl and rise while everyone all around was inciting:  
- Down! Down! Down!  
- Tally ho! – AntiCosmo said in his usual British accent, while the AntiWanda was keeping on splitting her sides; the ropes came untied and Cosmo fell down screaming, swallowed down by the water.

- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Cosmo woke suddenly up and sat up: he was in his room, completely shivering and panting, his heart was beating hardly, his forehead was bathed in perspiration.  
He took a look around: everything was at its place, there wasn't any voice in the house nor chocolate involucres. He turned quickly to the left: Wanda was sleeping quietly at her place.  
- Wanda! – he cried shocked pulling her up. Wanda mumbled something. – Wanda! Wake up, darling! Please!  
- What? Is it already seven o'clock? – the pink fairy muttered between her husband's arms, half-closing her eyes tiredly. Cosmo started to kiss her.  
- Oh, you're here! You're not with Juandissimo! – he said giving her another kiss. Wanda woke completely up and pulled away from him.  
- Hey Cosmo calm down! What happened? What time is it? And why are you all sweaty?  
Cosmo hugged her very tight choking her.  
- You're here! Here with me! You're not with Juandissimo! You didn't marry him, you're not jealous of Phillip! And you and Timmy don't hate me! And… and the SUPERTOILET! – he yelled confused starting to cry.  
- Calm down, Cosmo! – Wanda said again pushing him away. He was shivering and his lip was quivering. She smiled at him. – It was just a nightmare!  
Cosmo looked at her sniffing.  
- A n-nightmare?  
- Yes, of course! – she said smiling. – I and Juandissimo together? Jealous of Phillip?  
- But I and Phillip were hugged, we were searching for you because Phillip said that AntiCosmo and AntiWanda had kidnapped you, and I could count until… er… until…  
- It was obviously a dream – Wanda cut off: if Cosmo could count it no less than a dream, one of those impossible unreachable dreams. She giggled, amused by his green wide eyes filled with fear. – I love you, you dimwit! – she said, then she jumped in his arms and dragged him under the blankets. – Now calm down and sleep! Tomorrow will be another stressing day full of misadventures, wishes and duties  
- Just like today! – Cosmo said hugging her tightly. – Maybe it's the stress! Timmy is asking for new things all the time, and I can't leave you alone for a second that you're already near the fridge eating chocolate! Plus, Phillip's not pleased with her polishing and can't dance the Cucaracha! But don't tell her – he added whispering, - she's kinda touchy.  
Wanda sighed.  
- Sorry… it's just my "female problems", I'll try to not make you angry too much. And then I will talk with Phillip ok? And Timmy will understand too, I'm pretty sure of it!  
- Y-yes… you're right… - he muttered sleepy. Then he yawned, releasing a little his grasp on Wanda, and closed his eyes. – Thanks cookie, I love you.  
And he started to snore immediately.

**_Well... it was strange right? XD Anyway, thank you for reading and... leave polite reviews and criticism XD Bye everyone:  
-Hilary-  
PS: Next should be a longfic: "Story of a Betrayed Love". It's tragic -.- what a news XD well, good byeeee:_**


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